The Tree

My psychiatrist developed a tool to analyze situations that made me anxious and to figure out what was really bothering me My psychiatrist called it a Core-belief Chart. Below is the diagram he created.

Let's use a real life example to illustrate how it works. A year ago, my wife started a really good job and her salary was quite substantial. My wife proposed the idea that I quit my job and stay home and become a "househusband" if you will. I didn't like my job, it was stressful and just an awful place to work. If I told you the stories of what happened there you probably wouldn't believe me. Anyways, I digress; after some discussion my wife and I agreed I would quit and take over managing the household, as she would be working 60+ hours a week. When the day came to turn in my resignation I was a wreck. You would think I would have been excited to quit since I didn't like working there, but as usual my anxiety got the best of me. Let's put this example in the chart above.

Event:

• Turning in resignation to my boss

Feeling:

• Anxious - level 7 (I use a numerical 1-10 scale to rate my level of anxiety)
• Racing heart beat, rapid breathing, sweaty, upset stomach

Thoughts:

• What if I am questioned about my future plans?
• Fear of being judged for staying at home.
• Men are supposed to work and support family.
• Scared I will disappoint my boss, as I have worked here for 3 years and have lots of responsibility.

Core Belief:

• Fear; the anxiety can be read on my face.
• Incompetent because I cannot handle turning in my resignation.
• Not a man.

After quitting and practically having a panic attack, I went home and completed the chart with the information above. I told myself my core beliefs were that I wasn't a man and that I am incompetent. Most core beliefs included some sort of fear. Here was a fear that the anxiety could be seen on my face. Another common fear on my chart was fear that my wife would not love me and would leave me.

So here I was thinking I had my core beliefs all figured out, but I was wrong. I was not digging deep enough into the depths of my soul to find the real problem. I think on a subconscious level I was avoiding this. I have never been one to deal with my problems. I become easily embarrassed & ashamed and would rather hide my problems instead of facing them and finding a way to fix it.

As I mentioned in my first posts I finally figured out the real core belief is low self-confidence. It's practically non-existent actually. I like to take the Core-belief Chart and turn into another metaphor: A Tree.

The magic word here is "why". You start at the beginning and you keep asking yourself "why" over and over until you arrive at the trunk of the tree, the support for all the branches, what every part of the tree is connected to. 

The smallest branches (blue) is the anxiety, the physical and mental symptoms it is creating. 

"Why are you anxious?" I am afraid. Fear is the green circle.

"Why are you afraid?" I will be judged for my actions. Being judged is the yellow circle.

"Why do you not like being judged?" Because I fear what others think of me, and I am not confident enough to believe in myself. No self-confidence is the red circle.

As you can see each time you ask "why" it bring us to a thinker branch until we finally get to the trunk of the tree, the basis or root of all the problems above it. Now that we know what the real problem is we can find a way to deal with it. So in my case, as mentioned, I have little to no self-confidence. I can link almost every anxious moment/anxiety attack to lack of self-confidence. 

Unfortunately, it took me over year to finally figure out the root of my anxiety. I found other reasons, excuses, or just ignored it. But how does one find self-confidence? I have never really had any so I am not sure where to begin. I am trying simple things like staying positive and abstaining from self-loathing. However, I am liable to slip back into my old ways, so I am looking for something else to help. I will blog later about a self-help book I am trying, but I have yet to come up with anything else.

Please post any suggestions, as I am open to anything. Recommend exercises, self-help books, philosophical ideas, etc. I am looking forward to your responses!